I just need you to listen!

I am usually a happy go lucky gal, however, I do have times when I get very frustrated with things. One of my  biggest frustrations is  being misunderstood. Another one is someone feeling the need to fix me when they misunderstand me.

I am a big girl.
I don't need to be fixed. 
When I get frustrated, like most people, I just want someone to listen.
I don't need unsolicited advice. I don't need someone to go in and fix it.
I don't need an investigation.
I just need to air out my frustrations and to be heard.

Today, I voiced a frustration to someone. Instead of listening this person brought in another person to look at my frustration and analyze it. (and no this has nothing to do with my hubby) They both sat down with me. I still don't feel as if they actually heard what I was saying because they were too busy trying to explain to me what they thought of the situation after their investigation.

One is a very dear, close friend who most of the time gets me but sometimes she can be very wrong about me. I feel misunderstood. I feel like I am the one that is supposed to change because of my frustration.
Why? I don't need to change. 

I don't need thicker skin. 

I just need to feel safe enough to voice my frustration. 

I need to know it is okay for my to feel this way and that someone is listening.

I guess I need to go back to the basics. Prayer. 

God is here all the time. He is listening all of the time. He understands us more than we understand ourselves. He won't "fix" us but He can transform  us if we allow Him to work in our life.

After I voiced my issue I went back and stated that no matter what the circumstance I will keep smiling and give my all in everything I do.
I pray that my friend understands me but I am okay if she doesn't. I love her no matter what. My other friend probably won't ever understand but I know my creator does.
And that my friend is all that I need.

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

Romans 12:!2

Life

So it's been a long time since I have blogged. (not that anyone reads my blog...) Life has taken many detours this year. We have gone from being broke and in debt to doing well. Last year I lost my dad and this year we lost my Father-in-law. My son is now 20 years old. My oldest daughter is about to become 18 and my baby turned 15 today. I went from being a stay-at-home mom to working 50 plus hours as an HR Admin @ Macy's Logistics and Operations. I love my life. I thought I loved my life before. I guess I always love where I am. Life is an adventure and you never know what is around the corner. :)

Dreams

I believe that right now, in this moment, I am doing what I am supposed to do, what God has called me to do. I love on women who need help with the Care Pregnancy Center of the Eastern Panhandle. It doesn't look the way I thought it would look. I am a counselor but I have not had any official women to counsel. I love on the women and men that come in and need help.

I sing on the Worship Team. I can't not sing. I would not have my joy if I didn't sing. I sometimes feel like I am being selfish singing up there but I know that I am not up there to perform. I am up there to worship God. To be His cheerleader. To help others worship Him.

 My husband and I reach out to help couples. We have done some counseling both marital & pre-marital but mostly we point them to Family Life's Weekend To Remember or The Art of Marriage DVD Event. Sometimes I feel that we don't have an impact but even the smallest something to point them towards God is all that it takes. We shine our lights in a way that God calls us to. 

Our big dream is to own a B&B. One that reaches the believers that need respite. To nourish people not just physically through food and rest and relaxation but also spiritually through listening, praying, encouraging and pointing them to God's Scripture. Recently, Jay voiced that it may even be a retreat center. We have talked about a campground...maybe it will be all those three combined! That would be awesome! I don't know when this will be or where this will be and obviously we don't know exactly what but that is our dream.

My good friend pointed out that we already have a B&B but it doesn't look like we thought it would. We like to open our home to people who need it. People that we feel lead to envelop into our family for a time. I am excited to meet the next person who will be with us for the summer. I hope that we can show God's love to her. It is a blessing to be where you are supposed to but don't overlook where you are thinking that you aren't there. I know our dream is being realized. I know that when the girls leave the nest it will grow bigger. I know that I shouldn't belittle what we are doing now. I know I can't wait for it to be bigger. I pray that I keep my eyes and mind opened to what it will be, to what God shapes it to be. 

Life is Busy

Okay, so I am not blogging very much. Life is very hectic. I feel guilty sometimes just sitting down at the computer so I have not taken the time to write. My Mamaw passed away the other day. She was 93. It is sad because I really did not know her. All I remember of her was her drinking and her apartment was very nasty. My mom and her two sisters sat down with Mamaw about 25 years ago and confronted her. They had to tell her that she needed to choose a relationship with them or alcohol. She chose the latter. Eventually she stopped drinking. Not because of wanting to but because she had "pickled" her brain and had alcohol induced dementia. I am glad that my cousin Sharon watched over her care in the last years. Makes we wonder about the choices I make. I pray that all my choices are covered in prayer and Spirit led. I know that won't always be the case because I am on this side of heaven. I can make some pretty stupid choices and I have reaped the consequences. All I can do is ask for forgiveness and look up toward God and ask Him to lead me again.

On Easter, sin, Christians, and marriage

I did not sleep well last night. My mind is reeling with thoughts, scriptures and prayer. I am lead to write this today. It will not make me popular.
 I am tired of Christians crying and complaining that standing up for what is truth is hate. That pointing out a sin and calling it a sin is not showing love. If your child is doing something wrong do you not point it out to them and correct them? Isn't that love? Some have said that this is taking away from the Easter season and what Easter is all about. But I beg to differ. Didn't Jesus die for our sins? How can the lost understand the whole gospel if they don't know what is sinful? Don't we as Christians need to stand on what our beliefs are even if they come with a touchy subject? Yes we are judged by a different standard once we become a Christ follower but do we dilute the truth so that some might be saved? It isn't up to us to save the lost. It is up to us to share our testimony. I am a sinner. I am a liar, an adulterer, a cheater. If I go with my thoughts being the same as the action I am a thief and murderer. I am guilty. The price for my guilt is the death penalty. I praise God for sending Jesus to take my place and to suffer my fate. Being a Christ follower means that I accept that what I have done is wrong. Being a Christ follower means begging for God's mercy and forgiveness, turning around, away from doing that wrong and following Him. Believing that He paid the price. Accepting that I do need forgiveness. This is at the heart of Easter!!!!

No, we are not to convict, for that is up to the Holy Spirit. We are to stand up for the truth.

God's definition of marriage:
Genesis 2:18-25

¹⁸ Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for^[e] him.” ¹⁹ Now out of the ground the Lord God had formed^[f] every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. ²⁰ The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam^[g] there was not found a helper fit for him. ²¹ So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. ²² And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made^[h] into a woman and brought her to the man. ²³ Then the man said,

“This at last is bone of my bones
    and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called Woman,
    because she was taken out of Man.”^[i]

²⁴ Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. ²⁵ And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

Ephesians 5:22-33

²² Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. ²³ For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. ²⁴ Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, ²⁶ that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, ²⁷ so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.^[a] 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. ²⁹ For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, ³⁰ because we are members of his body. ³¹ “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” ³² This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. ³³ However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Marriage is to be a reflection of Christ and his bride, the church. We were created to be together as man and woman. For those who argue about the separation of church and state I say this, the separation from church and state was made to get the government out of the church. Religious freedom. Not to get the church out of the government. This country was founded on God's principles. If marriage is redefined we distort the reflection. We distort God's plan. Because I believe this and I believe that homosexuality is a sin and I am not ashamed to say that doesn't mean I don't love the person who is a homosexual. Some have said we shouldn't shed light on just one sin. True. Sin is sin and the cost of any sin is death. But as Christians why do we overlook sexual sin? Murderers go to jail. Thieves go to jail. Liars are penalized. They admit their wrong doings ask for forgiveness we should forgive them and show them love. Yes we should even show them love if they don't repent but we tell them that what they are doing is wrong. These days if we even suggest that a sexual sin is a sin or is wrong we are being intolerant. But the Bible says that sexual sin is even worse! 

1Cor 6:18-20

¹⁸ Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin^[a] a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. ¹⁹ Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, ²⁰ for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.

I have also seen the argument that we need to take care of the log in our eye and not worry about what someone else is doing. Why do we tend to overlook the second half of that passage?

Luke 6:41-42
⁴¹ Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? ⁴² How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take out the speck that is in your eye,’ when you yourself do not see the log that is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take out the speck that is in your brother's eye.

Why would Jesus say, "...and then you will see clearly to take out the speck that is in your brother's eye." if we weren't to do so? Yes we need to work through the Holy Spirit on our faults. But we are also to shed light on our "brother's." Paul even says that we are to judge those within the church:

1Cor 5:9-13

⁹ I wrote to you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people— ¹⁰ not at all meaning the sexually immoral of this world, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters, since then you would need to go out of the world. ¹¹ But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler—not even to eat with such a one. ¹² For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Is it not those inside the church^[a] whom you are to judge? ¹³ God judges^[b] those outside. “Purge the evil person from among you.”

I am not perfect by any means. I am probably one of the worst sinners out there. I have done awful disgusting things according to God's standard. I am made righteous through Christ's death. I am forever changed by His love. I am still a sinner even though I am on the other side of forgiveness. I still do wrong. I am not holier than anyone else. I am forgiven. I am lead by Christ. I am compelled by the Holy Spirit to speak the truth, to shed light on what is sin, what is wrong. This is a fallen world. This is a sinful world. I long for the day that Jesus comes back and we are rejoicing with Him. 

My New Business

So I started a new business. I am excited about it but also scared. I have tried a home based direct sales business before and failed. I love the product that I am selling and I am eager to share it with everyone but I don't like calling people and I get frustrated and discouraged easily. 

First, let me tell you about my business. I am an Independent Consultant with Blessings Unlimited. What is Blessings Unlimited? It is a direct sales company founded in 2006 by DaySpring, Inc, which is the leading producer of Christian cards and gifts. DaySpring is part of Hallmark Cards and has partnered with Christian retailers for 40 years. Blessings Unlimited name is based on John 1:16 "From the fullness of His grace we have all received one blessing after another."  On my personal website I have written out my why, why I decided to join and sell these products. Here is my why: 

I learned about Blessings in 2012 through a friend’s gathering. I fell in love with the product and the mission of the company. My husband and I also have been praying for several months about how I can earn extra income but still allow our daughters to be involved in their after school activities. After much prayer we decided that Blessings Unlimited was the direction God was taking me.

Deuteronomy 6:4-8 says, "Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts.  Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates."

The products offered by Blessings Unlimited are encouraging and inspirational. They are a great way to impress God’s truths in your home. I hope you enjoy browsing my website. Please let me know if you would like to receive a catalog or host a Gathering. As a host you can earn valuable discounts and enjoy time with friends and family while sharing the gift of faith.

Our Mission Statement: To pursue the heart of God and bring blessings to others. How great is that! 

My prayer today is that God give me the courage to do what it takes to work my business so I can be successful. That I will earn money to help pay our bills. That the message based products become a blessing in my friends lives and their friends lives. That I can boldly proclaim Jesus' love to others through my business. That people are willing to open their homes up to host a gathering so I can share God's Blessings to their friends and family. I also pray for those who would become partners with me in this awesome business. 
Lord, guide me in my business. This isn't my business but it is Yours. Steer me in the way You wish me to go and I trust that You are in charge. Thank you for Your blessings. Give me wisdom in operating my business and in my day to day walk with You. In Jesus Name, Amen

I invite you to check out My Blessings Unlimited website.

A Crazy Thursday

Yesterday was a crazy day. The craziness in my house doesn't start until people start coming home, which happens around 3pm when the girls get off the bus. Both girls had to be somewhere at 4:30 in different places and in different states so I had to do some manuevering to acheive this. I ask my dear hubby to change his schedule so he could take our beautiful 17 year old to a local photographer for an interview. They had an opportunity for 2014 seniors to become models and earn their senior pics for free plus get cash for referrals. I like the thought of that! I needed to take our younger daughter, Kat, to the dentist up in Maryland to have a tooth pulled. She is 14 and still has some baby teeth. We have been waiting for the baby teeth to go away so she can start braces.

At 2:50pm I get a text from Kat. She wants to stay after school for African Dance & Drumming. SO I say yes but tell her to be out at the doors no later than 4pm. Rebecca comes home and gets ready (which seems to include going through my make-up drawer.) I wait until 3:50 and start to go out to get Kay and Jay comes in so I say hi and give him the run down of where he needs to go. 3:55pm Kat texts me, I am outside. Stress. I text back OMW and get in the van. On the way there Kat keeps asking is it going to hurt? Will he have to give me a shot? Can't he give me the gas to knock me out? I try to reasure her that he knows what he is doing and he will make it as pain free as possible.

We get to the dentist and we are quickly taken back to the room. Numbing gel is given and the dentist gives her two shots. The tooth seems to come out okay but he is still digging. At this point she is holding the dental assistants hand with a death grip. Then I come up and she squeezes my hand. I am wearing a pretty purple shirt and my hand turns the same color. Meanwhile he is still digging for a root that the xrays didn't show. He gives her two more shots because she is moaning. For awhile there are two dental assistants and the dentist and me all staring into Kat's mouth while the dentist is digging around trying to get the pesky root. My hand is still very purple. What was supposed to be a very simple tooth extraction has turned into a 20 minute dig for a loose root and a very scared 14 year old. She made it through and so did I. Both the assistant and I tell her that she did a great job and reassure her that this won't happen again.

Driving home still in MD my hubby calls. I don't have a blue tooth so I ask Kat to answer it. She has gauze in her mouth and half her mouth is numb so she says, "herrow." At this point they are laughing at her and her dad asks, "are you still getting your tooth pulled?" She is like, "No? Why woulb I anper the pone?" Finally back in WV and I take the phone from her. Rebecca got the model job!

We get home and read the post extraction instructions. She can't spit or swallow. She asks, "what am I posed to do?" I tell her to drool into a cup. The instructions also saythat she can't drink alcohol for 6 days and she can't smoke for 8 weeks. She gets a kick out of that. I tell her it better be much longer for that. She can only eat soft foods and she cannot drink for a straw. So to lift her spirits up we go get chicken noodle soup at Chick-fil-a and a smoothie at Tropical Smoothie Cafe. (She has to eat the smoothie with a soup spoon.)

I love my family and I am blessed to have them in my life. I also like the fact that our days are not boring. Though sometimes I think boring would be nice every once and awhile. :)

What is God working on in you?

I have recently been discouraged and quite frankly angry at how people act, more specifically how Christians act. I used to be an open book totally okay with sharing my life's secrets with anyone. I had faith in people, then I became cynical. I think it was gradual, this transformation, and I think it was necessary for me to learn what I needed to learn.
I have been looking at the negative perspective of  Christ's bride. The ugly human, complaining, slandering, back-stabbing, not doing what needs to be done part. The thing is looking at that caused me to become just that. Then in several different ways at several different times He has whispered Colossians 3 to me.

"If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.

 Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. On account of these the wrath of God is coming. In these you too once walked, when you were living in them. But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator. Here there is not Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave, free; but Christ is all, and in all.

 Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."

 

(Colossians 3:1-17 ESV)

I need to pray for the division and sin that I see in people but I am not to dwell on it. If I am called to approach someone then I do in obedience and love. But if I am not called to do that I need to pray and think on what is holy and good. I need to swallow my pride and humbly get on my knees and ask for forgiveness because of my selfish attitude. I need to forgive.

"Forgiveness is giving up the right to punish someone for what they have done." ~Bob Lepine LLYMI 2013

God is working on me. I lift up His bride and I pray she gets a clue but along with that I pray I get a clue too. I am unworthy. We are all unworthy. Thank God for His forgiveness and grace!!!

And what is God working on in you?

From Stressed to Blessed

It has been a long time since I have blogged. 2012 was not a good year. From hopes and dreams being torn away to a motorcycle accident that turned our life upside down for awhile with unneccassary drama and my dad getting lung cancer and dying. I am very glad that 2013 is here.

I have been discouraged by seeing other peoples behavior and my own. I have felt like everything that I have tried to get accomplished has failed. God reminded me this past Sunday that I need to get down on my knees and pray. Not say I will pray or even do a quick pop-up, generic "God help" pray but fervently seek His direction and guidance. I am not new to this concept. I have had times in my life where I was great at praying and seeking God. I do a daily quiet time and have for as long as I can remember but I get distracted. I don't give all of my attention to God. I need to lift my family, ministry, business, and church up in prayer. I believe that this is the way to totally go from Stressed to Blessed.

With that in mind I am going to open myself up to you (not that there are very many readers, lol) and make this my prayer journal. My hope is that you can hold me accountable and I can entertain you with the interesting things that happen in my life.

Lord, I pray that you guide me and help me in seeking you. I thank you for my blessings. Please give me wisdom as I seek you in parenting my children, in loving and respecting my husband, in leading the women in my Bible Study, in doing my business, in volunteering and in church leadership. Thank you for your gift of grace and forgiveness. In Jesus' name, Amen.

The World's View

In the aftermath of the tradgic events that unfolded this past week the world will be asking how can something like this happen. There will be many speculative theories and political spins. Questions will be raised in how to prevent this from happening again. The world is searching for why bad things happen. I used to be wrapped up in all of the news stories and what the "experts" had to say but then I grew weary of the drama. As a Christian I don't question why bad things happen because the answer is right there in God's Word. "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." Romans 3:23. Man is evil. Man is sinful. Bad things happen becuase of our sinful nature. There is no way to prevent it. The world's view is that man is good but this is very wrong. Look at a child and see the selfishness they have. Do you need to teach your child to do bad things? No. Doing bad is in our DNA. It is who we are because of sin. What made this particular man snap and do this horrific act? We may never know exactly. What I do know is that every single one of us could easily snap and do something similar.

There is hope! We can overcome our evil, sinful nature. It has been conquered! Good is attainable! But only through Jesus Christ! I pray that the world sees that hope in it's search for why.
 "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8.
"And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience— among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind.  But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ— by grace you have been saved—  and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.  For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.  For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." Ephesians 2:1-10

I am not writing this to be preachy. I am just tired of listening to the whining. I tired of the speculation, the questioning and the politics. No one can protect us from ourselves. New laws, new guidelines, anything to add to our paranoid society to protect the innocent won't stop this from happening. It is part of life this side of heaven. I pray for the families that have been devastated in this horror. I pray for the gunman and his family. I pray that if God is not a part of their lives and if they do not have a relationship with Jesus that they come to know Him. I believe that He can change anyone. He brings the good into the world to show a glimpse of what heaven is like. My heart breaks for all involved. I wish I could be there to be an encouragement in their lives and show them Christ's love. This is my prayer. There is power in prayer. Would you join me?

Perspective

Our church has been doing an emphasis on biblical communities and what we call faith in action. Through this emphasis we have set up mini-mission projects. Little acts of kindness just to show God’s love no strings attached. We also have been going through a 4 week Bible study in our groups. The third week talked about Jesus feeing the 5000. Our group discussion got me thinking. What would you do if you had to feed that many people and didn’t have the resources other than five loaves of bread and two fish? Why is it hard for us to grasp that God doesn’t fit in a box? Why do we try to put boundaries on what He can do? One person asked why the disciples couldn't believe bigger than their circumstances since they walked day by day with Jesus. They witnessed the miracles first hand. But haven't we witnessed even more? Not just with Jesus' death & ressurection but day to day there are miracles that happen. I have seen them myself yet when I find myself in difficult situations I wonder how I will get through. What silly creatures we are! No wonder we are likened to sheep.

Jesus Feeds the Five Thousand
Luke 9:10-17

10When the apostles returned, they reported to Jesus what they had done. Then he took them with him and they withdrew by themselves to a town called Bethsaida, 11but the crowds learned about it and followed him. He welcomed them and spoke to them about the kingdom of God, and healed those who needed healing.
12Late in the afternoon the Twelve came to him and said, "Send the crowd away so they can go to the surrounding villages and countryside and find food and lodging, because we are in a remote place here."
13He replied, "You give them something to eat."
They answered, "We have only five loaves of bread and two fish—unless we go and buy food for all this crowd." 14(About five thousand men were there.)
But he said to his disciples, "Have them sit down in groups of about fifty each." 15The disciples did so, and everybody sat down. 16Taking the five loaves and the two fish and looking up to heaven, he gave thanks and broke them. Then he gave them to the disciples to set before the people. 17They all ate and were satisfied, and the disciples picked up twelve basketfuls of broken pieces that were left over.

Did you get that last part? They all ate and were satisfied, and the disciples picked up 12 baskets full of left overs!!!
We ask God for enough without realizing He has already given more than enough. We have lost our perspective & we lack God’s vision. We walk around with blinders on only seeing our circumstances. Our perspective is focusing on the limits to our situation. What we forget time after time is that God is limitless. His power is unlimited and His wisdom and knowledge is not our own.

Thoughts to ponder…

What do you do when, as a Christian you are supposed to be transparent and open and honest, you are totally misunderstood 99% of the time?

What if, when others are asking why, you ask why not?

How do you approach someone when you have been told they think you are spastic?

How do you respond when you are creating something and it doesn’t fit in the box and you are told that’s not right or only you would do it that way?

How can you share your inner thoughts with your friends when you know you will be misunderstood and judged?

These are a few thoughts that I have been pondering…

Sixteen Years Ago

Sixteen years ago....I was barely twenty. I was very single and I was very pregnant.

Sixteen years ago last weekend a tornado hit Powell & Lenoir City. I was again very pregnant and living in my mom's trailer. Storms don't scare me they excite me because I know God is in control. I looked outside and watched the rain come down in sheets almost sideways. I listened to try and hear the twister. It hit the trailer park down the road from ours. It was very surreal to drive around after the storm had passed to see the damage it had caused. I was filled with awe. Jay & I were not dating but I find it interesting that he lived in Lenoir City and I lived in Powell. Tornadoes don't often hit in the TN Valley.


Wow, it has been 16 yrs!


Sixteen years ago this coming Friday a major blizzard hit. Before the snow came I went to the OBGYN for my regular weekly check and he said I was dilated 3 cm's. Mom told me I wasn't allowed to give birth. Needless to say I waited a week later.

It's Like Pulling Teeth

Kat wiggling her loose tooth.

Okay I know you have heard that saying..."It's like pulling teeth." Well that has a whole new meaning for the Tidwell household. Here is the beginning...

Back in November during a rehearsal for the Christmas musical at our church our daughter Kathryn accidentally got headbutted during the practice bow. She became hysterical as only our Kat can. We finally calmed her down and the tooth was loose but not ready to come out by any means. Well the adult tooth came in behind the loose tooth. She looked so cute. You could see the bulge of the tooth when she closed her lips.

Now, it is March and her tooth has been very loose for about 3 months. I kept telling her to wiggle it and pull it out. Well she started playing with it this last week. She would blow on the tooth to make it wiggle and then laugh. That got old! Jay told her that he was going to pull it out. She kept stalling and saying that she was not ready. (Now keep in mind this tooth is hanging on by a little piece of skin!)

Both Jay & I got tired of it and this past Sunday we had enough. It was a nice day and she wanted to go out and play with her friends but Jay said that the tooth needed out first. She cried and screamed, "But I am not ready!" First I tried to hold her while Jay pulled her tooth but she would not stop screaming and crying and she would not open her mouth. Then we went to the bathroom because she wanted to look at it. Again she would not open her mouth and continued to cry & scream. So, I said that I was going to get the pliers and left the bathroom. I was so furious with her. It's just a tooth and it is just hanging on by a thread! She locked the door so I could not get in. I heard Jay calmly try to talk to her and convince her that the tooth had to come out. She started screaming "but I'm scared!" Jay asked of what? She said "that it will hurt!" Meanwhile, I got the pliers and stood outside the door half infuriated and half laughing. My son, Josh was sitting in the living room laughing and shaking his head. The windows were opened and I wondered if anyone was going to call DHHR on us for child abuse since she sounded like we were killing her. Her friends were outside laughing. I unlock the door and she screams "she's coming with the pliers!" and "I'm scared of it hurting!" I open the door and I look at her. I pinch her arm not hard but enough to hurt a little and she said "ouch that hurt!" I told her that now she doesn't have to be scared of the pain of the tooth being pulled. She didn't buy it. I gave Jay the pliers and left the room because I was too angry and Jay is better at keeping his cool around Kat. Finally he got tired of her dodging and flicked the tooth with his fingers and it just fell out.

It took about 2 hours of her screaming and crying and carrying on. It makes me think this must be how God feels when we do the same thing if He is asking something of us that we don't like or don't want to do. Please know that I love Kat with all my heart but she is so headstrong and stubborn that she gets carried away with fear that makes no sense. Yep, that saying takes new meaning for us here at the Tidwell house.

FROG It!

A dear friend of mine recently told me that God has been working on her. She told me that she is learning to fully rely on God. So with my mind the way it is I could not help but picture a frog. Yes, I know I get distracted easily. I can’t help it. :-) Anyways, what does it mean to be a FROG? In times like these how do we do it? Well for one thing you need to have faith in Him.

This past Sunday our pastor spoke about relying on God in the midst of a storm. In Matthew 8:23-27 there was a ‘furious storm’ that came ‘without warning’ while Jesus and the disciples were on a boat. Here Jesus is sleeping soundly and the disciples are freaking out. When woken up by the disciples Jesus tells them they have little faith and He asks them why they are so afraid. Then He rebukes the wind & waves and the storm is gone just as suddenly as it began. I believe to Fully Rely on God we need to be like Jesus. No, I don’t mean rebuke the wind & waves (though that isn’t a bad idea either.) I mean to be able to sleep soundly knowing full and well that everything is in God’s capable hands. That is having faith. Satan would like nothing better than to feed our minds with worry, doubt and fear of what the possibilities of our situation could be or what new storm might rise up. But as one of my favorite movies (I still need to read the book) says “Don’t Panic!”

The storms in life are inevitable. They will happen and they can be very unpredictable. Now we can fret and worry about what the storms might be or how we are going to get though our current storm or we can FROG it. Now that isn’t easy but one step to help you on your journey to Frogdom is this scripture:

5We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:5

My prayer for you and for myself is that we continuously take captive our thoughts and make them obedient to Christ. I ask that you pray this for me too.

Happily Ever After?

We live in a culture that is infatuated with Happily Ever After. I remember dreamily watching Snow White, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty and many other movies wishing for my prince charming. I feel sorry for men today! What kind of expectations have we made them have to live up to? According to the story line they are to be handsome, charming, know our every need and sweep us off our feet. No wonder there is so much disrespect for the male of our species! They can’t get a break. Now don’t get me wrong even though I claim to not be a mushy girlie movie watcher I still end up watching Lifetime Movie Network or Hallmark with tissues. They are great stories but they are fiction! Men are fallible just as we are. Do not try to make your husband to be perfect. That will lead to you disrespecting him, maybe even demeaning him.

We need a reality check. The only perfect man the ever has been, was, is and will ever be is Jesus. Period. If you are looking for your spouse to be that then you will be let down and they will be crushed with the responsibility of unrealistic expectations. When was the last time you thanked him for his work? His fathering? His love-making? His just being there? For choosing you? Has he made mistakes? Have you? Think about it this way, his parents were not perfect so he is just doing the best he can with what he learned from growing up.

I guess I am writing this because I have seen too many divorces recently. I have seen too many wives disrespecting their husbands behind their backs, with their children present, and even to their faces. I have seen too many wives say that they want to leave their mate even though they have promised to love for better or worse, for richer or poorer! My heart aches. That doesn’t mean that I am immune. There have been times that I have talked bad about my husband to my friends and to my family. I have learned that all that does is feed the monster of discontent. Your family & friends will only encourage you to leave if they think you will be happier but what does God say?

1 Corinthians 13:4-8a 4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8Love never fails.

Matthew 5:43-44 43"You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' 44But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.

So if love is all these things and we are supposed to even love our enemies shouldn’t we love our spouses too? Love is not a feeling. If it were then every marriage would end in divorce very quickly. Marriage is not a walk in the park. When we said our vows our eyes were glazed over with the romance of it all. Once life hits you a choice has to be made. Am I going to choose to love? Love is a choice. Love is an action. Jesus demonstrated that by an action. He died for us. How are you willing to demonstrate it to your husband? Show him that you love him!

To Know Me More...

...keep reading. I've been tagged by my friend, Melissa @ Musings of a Multi-Tasking Mama. You get to learn the following things about me- I know your inquiring minds were dying to know so I decided not to keep you in suspense any longer ;p

6 Things I Value:
1. My relationship with Jesus.
2. My husband.
3. My children.
4. The Bible.
5. My Church.
6. Music.

6 Things I Support:
1. Healthy marriages.
2. Pro-Life.
3. Prayer in schools.
4. Anyone in the Mission Field.
5. Capitalism & competition.
6. Republicans.

6 Things I Do Not Support:
1. Socialism.
2. Pro-choice...the choice is whether or not to have sex. People know the risks and only abstinence is 100% effective. Who are we to play God saying because of the circumstances that caused the pregnancy the unborn child should not exist. Isn't God the maker and creator? Doesn't He know best? (Sorry, big passion of mine. :) )
3. The so-called tolerance that is being tossed around that seems to exclude Christianity in our schools and our government.
4. Democrats. (though I will pray for our government leaders)
5. Terrorists.
6. Passive aggressive personalities.

6 People I Tag:
Well, I don't read very many blogs so I have three:
1. Jay (my hubby) with Just Jay's Journal.
2. My good friends, Don & Lori at Never a Dull Moment.
3. Josh at Playground of the Mind.

I would love to know these things about the following bloggers so hopefully they will play along (if they want to) and then let me know when they have posted so I can come read.

What is in store for 2009?

Okay, I know it has been a long time since I have posted. December was a very busy time for my family and me. So now on to Jan 2009...

What is in store for the Tidwell’s in 2009? What goals do I wish to accomplish? Do I have any resolutions?

Well first, Jay & I are trying to refinance the mortgage. We are waiting right now for the appraisal. If everything goes smoothly we will be able to pay off our debt and cancel our credit cards. (Because we have gotten out of debt so many times just to head right back in there.) Then we are going on a cash budget. If the refinancing doesn’t work we are going to have to find some extra income. Either Jay will get a new job or a second job or I will get a part-time job. We are continuously praying for God’s guidance and wisdom no matter what happens.

Personally, I don’t like to make resolutions but I do make goals. Goals that are not impossible to accomplish. One goal of mine is to guard my mouth. I tend to talk a bunch. It is part of my personality and sometimes I will say something that I shouldn’t or I will give out too much information. I am asking God to help me to control the flow of words that come out of my mouth. I have to curb my enthusiasm and that is very difficult so I ask that y’all pray for me in this.

My other personal goal is to lose 15 pounds. Back in 2005, I weighed over 200 lbs. (see picture) It took 10 months and lots of discipline but I reached my goal and lost 65 lbs. Well, I have been lax in my eating habits this last year and I have slowly gained 15 lbs back. I am praying the God give me the self discipline to eat in moderation and to exercise every other day so that I can reach my goal. I think it is better I take control now before I go back to the 200 plus pounds where I was before. Since I have lost the weight Jay likes to say that he married his trophy wife first.

In ministry, the Twogether Marriage Ministry has already been busy for this year. We bought the license to have a Fireproof Movie Event. We showed the movie at our church on Friday January 9th. About 140 people showed up to see the movie. Jay & I were able to give a small testimony about how God has worked in our marriage after the movie. We have been asked to show it again since several people did not get to come so we are planning another movie event in the near future.

We are going to Family Life's Weekend to Remember on Feb 20-22 at Lansdowne resort in VA. We hope to bring many couples to this conference. Jay & I have been to 7 of them. It is a wonderful tool to help a hurting marriage and to grow and strengthen a healthy one.

There are so many other things we are doing (or I should say God is doing) in our marriage ministry and in our lives. So I will try to keep y’all posted. I hope and Pray the 2009 is a very blessed year for everyone!

I am a Katharine...

Your result for Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz...

You Are a Katharine!

You are a Katharine -- "I am happy and open to new things"

Katharines are energetic, lively, and optimistic. They want to contribute to the world.

How to Get Along with Me

• * Give me companionship, affection, and freedom.


• * Engage with me in stimulating conversation and laughter.


• * Appreciate my grand visions and listen to my stories.


• * Don't try to change my style. Accept me the way I am.


• * Be responsible for youself. I dislike clingy or needy people.


• * Don't tell me what to do.

What I Like About Being a Katharine

• * being optimistic and not letting life's troubles get me down


• * being spontaneous and free-spirited


• * being outspoken and outrageous. It's part of the fun.


• * being generous and trying to make the world a better place


• * having the guts to take risks and to try exciting adventures


• * having such varied interests and abilities

What's Hard About Being a Katharine

• * not having enough time to do all the things I want


• * not completing things I start


• * not being able to profit from the benefits that come from specializing; not making a commitment to a career


• * having a tendency to be ungrounded; getting lost in plans or fantasies


• * feeling confined when I'm in a one-to-one relationship

Katharines as Children Often

• * are action oriented and adventuresome


• * drum up excitement


• * prefer being with other children to being alone


• * finesse their way around adults


• * dream of the freedom they'll have when they grow up

Katharines as Parents

• * are often enthusiastic and generous


• * want their children to be exposed to many adventures in life


• * may be too busy with their own activities to be attentive

Take Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz at HelloQuizzy

The Whoa's of Womanhood

The last few weeks have been quite a whirlwind for me. It all started out when one Saturday night in August I was awakened from a deep sleep with labor-like cramps. I have had my share of painful periods and all but this was not right. I usually blow off any strange thing I might feel is wrong with my body especially with my periods and make the excuse it is just something I have to deal with. This time I knew I needed to call the doctor. So the next Monday I called and they schedule an ultrasound. I had to wait a month for the test and then another 10 days to find out the results. The doctor said that it looked like Adenomyosis and suggested an MRI to see if this was correct. Then the MRI showed no such condition. At this point I had surrendered in my brain that I was just a crybaby and I needed to get over it. The doctor said that he wanted to do a diagnostic laparoscopy. I said okay what can it hurt? It will let me know if I have something going on or if it is all in my head.

Two months went by and my periods were close to normal. No major problems. I start to think ‘do I really need to have this done?’ I tell the doctor and he says great but he still thinks we need to see what is going on. That made me feel better and I trust he knows what he is doing. He is one of the best GYN’s in town.

The day of the surgery went well. I got the kids off to school and Jay took me to the hospital for One Day Surgery. We arrive around 9am. I quickly get called back and have to put on one of those strange gowns that they blow air in to make you warmer. I am pretty much at ease and I joke with the nurses. Then it was time for the IV to be put in. Needles don’t bother me. I like to give blood with Jay at his work on a regular basis. I think this nurse had too big of a needle or something. First she numbed the site which I thought was neat but then she goes in and I think she hit my nerve several times before going all the way through my vein blowing it out. The numbing did not help the pain from this. I then had to hold my right hand up and apply pressure to the bandage she placed on it. (BTW this is my dominant hand!) I am still smiling, saying ’well, my veins in my hands do tend to roll.’ The other nurse successfully puts in the IV in my left hand with no problem at all.

The surgery went well. The doctor tells Jay what he found and I get to hear it second hand from him. Now, women out there please take note of this. If you want to know the information plan ahead and give your husband a notepad and pen to write down everything the doctor says! I love Jay to death but I dislike his lack of remembering the details. What I do know is that Jay got to see pictures, which I think is so cool and I want to see them. (Yes, I know I am weird!) Here is what Jay told me…I have adhesions, burn marks, and endometriosis. The doctor says I have three options: the pill, shots, or a hysterectomy. With a hysterectomy he would have to take the ovaries. I will go back on Nov 20th to talk to the doctor. (BTW that is my 36th birthday!)

While I was recuperating at home, the night of the surgery, we had friends over to play a round of D&D to keep my mind occupied. I don’t do well having to sit still. I did not get up and wait on them I was very good and sat still. The next day I did over do it by going up and down the stairs for things when I should have asked one of my kids to do it. Sunday I stayed still and I was totally bored. My right hand also started hurting badly with the nerve also throbbing all the way up my arm & shoulder. By Wednesday I was in tears and I broke down and called the doctor. The nurse told me to do hot & cold compresses.

A week after the surgery Jay & I planned to go to the Festival of Marriage in Ocean City, MD. In hinds sight I should have postponed the surgery until after the conference but oh well. When we left for the marriage conference I was still hurting so I brought my pain meds and decided to start taking them. (I had stopped on Sunday.) So I was somewhat loopy on the ride there but I was able to listen to the speakers and comprehend what they were saying. The next day my hand & arm were much better but then I starting cramping. I had started my period! It hurt to the point I could not straighten up all the way. I still went onto the classes and when the meds kicked in I was okay but it would have been nice to have had a pain free fun weekend with my hubby!

Anyways, my mind has been swarming with all of this information about the results of the laparoscopy. I have gone online and read side-effects and forums. I fell that I have read about everything there is to know about endometriosis and I don’t like any of the options. I have told Jay that I would like to just forget the whole thing and deal with my monthly problems as they come with the knowledge of why so I don’t have to go through the side-effects of the other options. Depression & insomnia….I have already gone through both that I don’t want to invite them back! Osteoporosis, which runs in my family, and mood swings…the list doesn’t look great.

While all of this is running through my head I have tried to explain to Jay that I am freaking out over here. I think this weekend he finally got it. It is good to go away to a marriage conference so that you can get your spouse’s undivided attention. It is not that I want any more kids but the thought that I will absolutely not be able to have them is difficult to swallow. He wants me to do something. He said that he does not want to continue the way things have been with my monthly time. I am patiently waiting for what the doctor suggests. I am going to give him my list of concerns and what I think might be best for me and my family.

I have had to stop and pray for wisdom and guidance. I know that God is in control and I need to rely on Him for the fortitude to go through any and every challenge this takes me through. During my quiet time last week I came across this passage and God used it to calm my mind:

Isaiah 43:1-7
1 But now, this is what the LORD says—
he who created you, O Jacob,
he who formed you, O Israel:
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
2 When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
3 For I am the LORD, your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
I give Egypt for your ransom,
Cush [a] and Seba in your stead.
4 Since you are precious and honored in my sight,
and because I love you,
I will give men in exchange for you,
and people in exchange for your life.
5 Do not be afraid, for I am with you;
I will bring your children from the east
and gather you from the west.
6 I will say to the north, 'Give them up!'
and to the south, 'Do not hold them back.'
Bring my sons from afar
and my daughters from the ends of the earth-
7 everyone who is called by my name,
whom I created for my glory,
whom I formed and made."

Isn’t that awesome! God is with me no matter what I am going to go through. Even if I have to deal with depression, insomnia, mood swings or osteoporosis He will be with me. If I have to say goodbye to my ovaries He will get me through it. I know that my condition is not life threatening but it is life changing. I have decided to embrace these changes and if/when I have the surgery I am going to have a party, a ‘wake,’ to say goodbye to the old and hello to the new me.