The last few weeks have been quite a whirlwind for me. It all started out when one Saturday night in August I was awakened from a deep sleep with labor-like cramps. I have had my share of painful periods and all but this was not right. I usually blow off any strange thing I might feel is wrong with my body especially with my periods and make the excuse it is just something I have to deal with. This time I knew I needed to call the doctor. So the next Monday I called and they schedule an ultrasound. I had to wait a month for the test and then another 10 days to find out the results. The doctor said that it looked like Adenomyosis and suggested an MRI to see if this was correct. Then the MRI showed no such condition. At this point I had surrendered in my brain that I was just a crybaby and I needed to get over it. The doctor said that he wanted to do a diagnostic laparoscopy. I said okay what can it hurt? It will let me know if I have something going on or if it is all in my head.
Two months went by and my periods were close to normal. No major problems. I start to think ‘do I really need to have this done?’ I tell the doctor and he says great but he still thinks we need to see what is going on. That made me feel better and I trust he knows what he is doing. He is one of the best GYN’s in town.
The day of the surgery went well. I got the kids off to school and Jay took me to the hospital for One Day Surgery. We arrive around 9am. I quickly get called back and have to put on one of those strange gowns that they blow air in to make you warmer. I am pretty much at ease and I joke with the nurses. Then it was time for the IV to be put in. Needles don’t bother me. I like to give blood with Jay at his work on a regular basis. I think this nurse had too big of a needle or something. First she numbed the site which I thought was neat but then she goes in and I think she hit my nerve several times before going all the way through my vein blowing it out. The numbing did not help the pain from this. I then had to hold my right hand up and apply pressure to the bandage she placed on it. (BTW this is my dominant hand!) I am still smiling, saying ’well, my veins in my hands do tend to roll.’ The other nurse successfully puts in the IV in my left hand with no problem at all.
The surgery went well. The doctor tells Jay what he found and I get to hear it second hand from him. Now, women out there please take note of this. If you want to know the information plan ahead and give your husband a notepad and pen to write down everything the doctor says! I love Jay to death but I dislike his lack of remembering the details. What I do know is that Jay got to see pictures, which I think is so cool and I want to see them. (Yes, I know I am weird!) Here is what Jay told me…I have adhesions, burn marks, and endometriosis. The doctor says I have three options: the pill, shots, or a hysterectomy. With a hysterectomy he would have to take the ovaries. I will go back on Nov 20th to talk to the doctor. (BTW that is my 36th birthday!)
While I was recuperating at home, the night of the surgery, we had friends over to play a round of D&D to keep my mind occupied. I don’t do well having to sit still. I did not get up and wait on them I was very good and sat still. The next day I did over do it by going up and down the stairs for things when I should have asked one of my kids to do it. Sunday I stayed still and I was totally bored. My right hand also started hurting badly with the nerve also throbbing all the way up my arm & shoulder. By Wednesday I was in tears and I broke down and called the doctor. The nurse told me to do hot & cold compresses.
A week after the surgery Jay & I planned to go to the Festival of Marriage in Ocean City, MD. In hinds sight I should have postponed the surgery until after the conference but oh well. When we left for the marriage conference I was still hurting so I brought my pain meds and decided to start taking them. (I had stopped on Sunday.) So I was somewhat loopy on the ride there but I was able to listen to the speakers and comprehend what they were saying. The next day my hand & arm were much better but then I starting cramping. I had started my period! It hurt to the point I could not straighten up all the way. I still went onto the classes and when the meds kicked in I was okay but it would have been nice to have had a pain free fun weekend with my hubby!
Anyways, my mind has been swarming with all of this information about the results of the laparoscopy. I have gone online and read side-effects and forums. I fell that I have read about everything there is to know about endometriosis and I don’t like any of the options. I have told Jay that I would like to just forget the whole thing and deal with my monthly problems as they come with the knowledge of why so I don’t have to go through the side-effects of the other options. Depression & insomnia….I have already gone through both that I don’t want to invite them back! Osteoporosis, which runs in my family, and mood swings…the list doesn’t look great.
While all of this is running through my head I have tried to explain to Jay that I am freaking out over here. I think this weekend he finally got it. It is good to go away to a marriage conference so that you can get your spouse’s undivided attention. It is not that I want any more kids but the thought that I will absolutely not be able to have them is difficult to swallow. He wants me to do something. He said that he does not want to continue the way things have been with my monthly time. I am patiently waiting for what the doctor suggests. I am going to give him my list of concerns and what I think might be best for me and my family.
I have had to stop and pray for wisdom and guidance. I know that God is in control and I need to rely on Him for the fortitude to go through any and every challenge this takes me through. During my quiet time last week I came across this passage and God used it to calm my mind:
1 But now, this is what the LORD says—
he who created you, O Jacob,
he who formed you, O Israel:
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
2 When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
3 For I am the LORD, your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
I give Egypt for your ransom,
Cush [a] and Seba in your stead.
4 Since you are precious and honored in my sight,
and because I love you,
I will give men in exchange for you,
and people in exchange for your life.
5 Do not be afraid, for I am with you;
I will bring your children from the east
and gather you from the west.
6 I will say to the north, 'Give them up!'
and to the south, 'Do not hold them back.'
Bring my sons from afar
and my daughters from the ends of the earth-
7 everyone who is called by my name,
whom I created for my glory,
whom I formed and made."
Isn’t that awesome! God is with me no matter what I am going to go through. Even if I have to deal with depression, insomnia, mood swings or osteoporosis He will be with me. If I have to say goodbye to my ovaries He will get me through it. I know that my condition is not life threatening but it is life changing. I have decided to embrace these changes and if/when I have the surgery I am going to have a party, a ‘wake,’ to say goodbye to the old and hello to the new me.